Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
ttyl tear gas
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
