i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Alive.
So much puke
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
