I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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