you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
