dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
