forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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