I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
