I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
