A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
