I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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