The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
