So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
