i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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