I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
operation harelip BJ is a go
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
