I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize