can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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