Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
