I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
