her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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