I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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