Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pappa wants mamma naked
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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