I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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