i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
