I faked an abortion last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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