he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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