everyone is single if you try hard enough
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
