Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
