she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You are a genius and a whore.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
