scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dick very happy bro
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
