So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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