Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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