i think my tv is drunk
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
