party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
