This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He has the fingertips of a God
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