I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
