I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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