I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
