The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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