Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
