I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You can't special order awesome
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
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I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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