He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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