This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
