oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
