The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
