I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize