My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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