i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
