Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
