I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just cropdusted the office
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
