he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
