So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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