i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
and you fell through a lawn chair
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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