y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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