I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
