Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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