We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
do herpes really smell.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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