Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
