This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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