I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
