if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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