She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
