Can i not drive my cunt home
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
