WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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