Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
