New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
