Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
