I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
