he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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