Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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