Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
