i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
