fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
