I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
