Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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